


I'm not afraid

by SilentRain91



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Clarke doubts her upcoming wedding when feelings for Lexa ensue, Clarke is engaged with Bellamy, Clexa Endgame, F/F, F/M, Sort of Imagine Me and You fic, at a shop to taste chocolate desserts for the wedding, then she meets Lexa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2016-06-30
Packaged: 2018-07-19 05:27:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7346965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilentRain91/pseuds/SilentRain91
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Hello, my name is Lexa woods, but you may call me Lexa.” The brunette smiles politely as she greets them. “I am the owner.”</p><p>“Hi Lexa, I’m Bellamy Blake.” Bellamy smiles back politely and then points at Clarke. “And this is Clarke Griffin, my lovely wife to be.”</p><p>Lexa’s eyes shift towards Clarke and her smile appears to be brighter this time. “It’s a pleasure to meet you both, Mr. Blake and Miss Griffin.” She says as her eyes don't leave Clarke.</p><p>“Please, call me Clarke.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Ah I’m so happy for you two!” Octavia says as she launches herself into Clarke’s and Bellamy’s arms, after bursting through the door of their apartment. A bright smile flatters her face.

“It’s nice to see you too, O.” Clarke replies, wrapping her arms around Octavia while chuckling, not at all surprised by Octavia’s sudden arrival.

“Come here baby sis.” Bellamy says as he ruffles through Octavia’s hair, much to her annoyance when she groans to complain.

“Bell please, I’m not a baby.” Octavia groans. “I’m an adult!” She releases herself from the embrace.

“You’re nineteen O, that’s hardly an adult.” Bellamy retorts, knowing that his excuse is weak, but Octavia will always be his baby sister in his eyes.

“It’s close enough.” Octavia snaps back, feeling a little bit frustrated how Bellamy still sees her like a child. She doesn't like to be called baby sis, and please, if she wanted to she'd be able to kick his ass anyway. "If you call me baby again, I'll fight you."

Bellamy looks like he’s about to say something again, but then Raven bursts through the door with luggage in her hands. It’s only then that Bellamy and Clarke notice that Octavia isn’t carrying anything at all.

“Thank you so much for helping me with these, O.” Raven says, smirking sarcastically at Octavia who tries to look like an angel. She has been carrying everything on her own and it's quite heavy. 

“From what I can see, you have it covered, babe.” Octavia replies playfully, winking at Raven. She knows she’s being lazy because she didn’t help her to carry their luggage.

“You didn’t even carry your own damn purse.” Raven says, barely believing how lazy Octavia is being. “You’re something Blake.” She shakes her head as Octavia grins from ear to ear. "You could have lent me hand."

Octavia leans closer to Raven, whispering in her ear. 

Raven grins and says nothing in return, concentrating on Clarke and Bellamy instead. 

“I’m glad you’re both here.” Clarke says earnestly, as she shifts her eyes between Octavia and Raven, smiling at both of them. It's nice to have her best friends over, because sometimes it feels like she doesn't see them enough and it's not fair how those two are roomies in college together. 

Bellamy walks towards Raven to help her with the luggage, which quickly ends with him carrying all of it to go and put it away.

“Of course, Clarke, we wouldn’t want to miss your wedding!” Raven replies, excited to be here because she wants to be around for Clarke’s and Bellamy’s big day. “You only get married once in your life.” Well, unless they divorce, but for their sake, she won’t add that part. 

Octavia grabs Clarke’s hand. “Your ring is gorgeous!” She says as she looks admirably at the ring around Clarke’s finger. It sure must have cost something, because it doesn’t look cheap.

“I still can’t believe this is all really happening…I… wow.” Clarke tries to steady her breathing, feeling slightly overwhelmed.

“It’s a lot to take in.”

Clarke grew up with Octavia and Raven. She had always known Bellamy as Octavia’s older protective brother. When she was a young teenager, she felt awkward around Bellamy. It wasn’t until she was eighteen that she had grown closer to Bellamy. It was weird at first because they shared a brother/sister type of relationship, but they ended up liking each other a lot more. Now she is twenty-one and Bellamy has proposed to her. Their wedding will take place in a month and the amount of luggage Raven and Octavia brought gives away that they plan to stay for that entire month, which she doesn’t mind. They’re her best friends and they will always be welcome.

Raven and Octavia plop down onto Clarke’s couch.

Bellamy and Clarke move themselves towards the couch as well, sitting down.

“So Clarkey, how did Bell propose to you?” Raven eyes Clarke with curiosity in her eyes. She has yet to hear that story, so now might as well be the time to hear it. 

“Bellamy took me to a place where they serve my favorite chocolate mousse.” A smile appears on Clarke’s face as she explains. Her friends know how much she loves chocolate and of course chocolate mousse is her favorite dessert. “When the waiter brought my dessert, there was a huge piece of chocolate on top of it and on that chocolate it read ‘will you marry me?’ and of course I said yes!” Her eyes light up as she feels herself reliving that moment.

“Okay, but did you say yes to Bellamy or to the chocolate?” Raven asks smirking, giving Clarke a knowing look. “I totally wouldn’t judge you if you’d marry chocolate over Bell.” She wouldn’t be so surprised really if her friend would have been saying yes to chocolate, since it’s the perfect bribery in Clarke’s case.

They all laugh at Raven’s comment because she actually does have a point. Clarke likes chocolate so much that it wouldn’t be a surprise if she actually said yes to a piece of chocolate just so she can eat it.

“Alright ladies, let’s get you settled.” Bellamy sighs and gestures for Octavia and Raven to follow him. “You’ll have to share our guestroom, unless one of you prefers to sleep on the couch.”

The apartment Clarke and Bellamy share isn’t big. Luckily they do have a guestroom, which they need because they often have friends sleeping over.

“It’s okay Bell, O doesn’t mind sharing with me.” Raven replies with a serious tone. “Right, O?” She wraps her arms around Octavia and playfully places a kiss on her cheek.

“Me, minding to share a room with a lovely lady like yourself?” Octavia asks, feigning shock. “Nah, never.” She squeezes Raven and playfully pinches her cheek.

“I’m still standing right here you guys.” Bellamy huffs as he looks at Raven and Octavia, rolling his eyes. Those two always act like a couple, sometimes he doesn’t get what their deal is with that.

“Better leave then because we don’t exactly want a threesome with you.” Raven chuckles. “Clarke on the other hand…”

“Mhm can’t argue with that.” Octavia chimes in, solely to tease her brother, knowing Bellamy already gets jealous when someone stares at Clarke. Getting under his skin happens to be one of her favorite hobbies. It’s pretty much her job as his sister.

Clarke laughs from behind them, having heard the entire conversation. “Are you two done teasing my fiancé?” She crosses her arms and gives them a serious look, but it doesn’t take long before a grin appears on her face and she shakes her head. Octavia and Raven might never stop teasing.

Raven walks over to Clarke. “Maybe another time.” She kisses Clarke’s cheek and winks at her, turning around just in time to see the annoyed look on Bellamy’s face.

“Remind me why we invited them?” Bellamy asks Clarke with a small smile on his face, which betrays he isn’t being serious.

“Because you love us.” Raven says as she wraps her arms around Clarke.

Octavia follows suit.

Clarke laughs and shrugs a bit. This is nothing new for her, they always behave this way and being engaged is making Octavia and Raven being bigger teases than they usually are.

“It’s getting late.” Clarke says, glancing at the clock. “We should get some sleep because there’s a lot to do tomorrow.” She sighs, knowing tomorrow will be busy.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The morning arrives too soon. With some hesitation, Clarke gets up and gets dressed, meeting the others in the kitchen for breakfast. Today they will arrange the food catering for the wedding. The only thing she looks forward to is tasting desserts. Not that there’s much of a point to even go taste desserts because she already knows she wants something with chocolate. Of course she’s more than happy to have some chocolate when she can.

Bellamy arranges most of the food catering with Octavia and Raven.

Clarke doesn’t care much which food she’ll be having at her wedding. Much to her disappointment, she hasn’t noticed any desserts at the place they are at.

“You don’t look so happy.” Octavia notes, standing next to Clarke, looking a bit concerned. She wonders when the last time was her friend genuinely smiled.

“I just thought I would be here to find a dessert and to taste some chocolate.” Clarke explains, still disappointed. “Bell can handle arranging the food.” She looks over at Bellamy who’s smiling and arranging the food, like she knows he will. It’s better if she leaves it to him anyway.

“Chin up princess.” Raven slings one of her arms over Clarke’s shoulder. “Surely your dessert will be arranged soon.”

It turns out Raven was right. A few hours later, Bellamy takes them to a different place. Clarke looks disappointed when she is standing on a parking lot and it isn’t the place with they have the very good chocolate mousse that she knows of.

Bellamy notices and wants to reassure Clarke. “No worries love, I know you want the chocolate from the place we went to where I proposed, but the thing is, when I went to ask them, they told me they get all their chocolate recipes from another place. I explained that I’m going to get married and how much you love chocolate, especially the one they have, so they wrote down the address for me and that’s actually where I’m taking you now.” He smiles at his fiancée, waiting for her reaction.

“Oh my god, Bell, that’s amazing!” Clarke can’t hide her excitement and hugs her fiancé. She can’t believe he did that for her, that’s so sweet.

“It looks dark in there.” Octavia says. “I don’t think it’s open.” She points at the place and there’s no sign that it’s open or anything at all.

“It is okay.” Bellamy assures them. “The owner expects us.” He squeezes Clarke’s hand and leads her to the place, hoping she’ll like it.

Bellamy was right because the door opens and when they walk inside, someone puts the lights on. Clarke sees someone walking towards them. It’s a girl who doesn’t look older than her. She has long wavy brown hair and beautiful green eyes. Not to forget that the brunette is beautiful too. The girl looks a bit tanned and she assumes the brunette works out, because the girl is lean and she is fairly sure the brunette is a bit muscled.

“Hello, my name is Lexa woods, but you may call me Lexa.” The brunette smiles politely as she greets them. “I am the owner.”

“Hi Lexa, I’m Bellamy Blake.” Bellamy smiles back politely and then points at Clarke. “And this is Clarke Griffin, my lovely wife to be.”

Lexa’s eyes shift towards Clarke and her smile appears to be brighter this time. “It’s a pleasure to meet you both, Mr. Blake and Miss Griffin.” She says as her eyes don't leave Clarke.

“Please, call me Clarke.” Clarke insists, feeling slightly nervous about the formalities.

Raven can see Lexa staring at her and at Octavia. She is staring right back at Lexa, but stops doing so when Octavia nudges her. It’s not her fault that she has eyes and that Lexa is pretty.

“I’m Raven Reyes.” Raven introduces herself and offers Lexa a quick smile.

“And I’m Octavia Blake, Bellamy’s sister, Clarke’s best friend and bridesmaid.” Octavia introduces herself, grinning widely.

Raven clears her throat. “I’m Clarke’s best friend too and also a bridesmaid, but I’m not pleased about the dress.” She winks at Clarke, partially serious and partially teasing.

“If you all like to sit down, I’ll go get some samples.” Lexa suggests, waving her hand towards a table so they can all sit down, while she disappears in the back for a while.

Ten minutes later Lexa returns with a bunch of samples. She has made a variety of chocolate desserts they can try.

They talk while they taste different desserts. Bellamy laughs when he sees that Clarke’s face is partially covered in chocolate.

“What’s so funny, Bell?” Clarke asks confused, having no idea about the chocolate on her face.

“You have chocolate all over your face.” Octavia says, chuckling amusedly.  

“I’ll help you to clean that up if you follow me.” Lexa offers as she smiles warmly, looking at Clarke.

“Yes, thank you.” Clarke smiles back and stands up to follow Lexa. She follows the brunette to the back of the place.

Lexa gestures Clarke to sit on a chair, while she grabs a washcloth and wets it with mildly warm water.

Clarke closes her eyes while Lexa carefully swipes the chocolate off of her face with the washcloth. When she opens her eyes, the brunette is sitting right in front of her, only a few inches away from her face, the washcloth still in her hands. She must have startled Lexa because suddenly the brunette backs away a bit. She wants to apologize, but before she can, she hears Lexa talk.

“You must really like chocolate, Clarke.” Lexa’s hand brushes lightly against Clarke’s cheek while she wipes away the last bit of chocolate, sending electricity through her body.

“I really do, I don’t think there’s anything better.” Clarke smiles knowing chocolate is her absolute favorite.

“Which chocolate dessert do you like the most, Clarke?” Lexa asks, eying the blonde in front of her.

“Do you promise not to laugh?” Clarke looks at Lexa, waiting for an answer.

“I’ll try not to.” Lexa answers honestly.

“Okay fair enough.” Clarke concludes. “Well, my favorite is chocolate mousse, the kind that comes from this place but I haven’t seen it with the samples.” She feels a bit disappointed, but she also understands that there hasn’t been any because it’s supposed to be for a wedding after all, her wedding.

“Would you like some? I have some in the fridge.” Lexa offers it to Clarke, while already making her way to her refrigerator to grab a small bowl of chocolate mousse.

“I’m glad you happen to have some.” Clarke thankfully accepts the spoon that Lexa is reaching out to her.

“I made it to have it as a dessert later, it’s my guilty pleasure.” Lexa admits. It’s something she does sometimes, one of those little things she can enjoy.

“In that case I can’t accept this. I appreciate your offer, but I don’t want to steal your dessert from you.” Clarke looks at Lexa with some regret in her eyes. As much as she would love to have that dessert, she doesn’t want to take it away from the brunette.

“You can have it, Clarke. I don’t mind.” Lexa hands the small bowl to Clarke, who accepts it with some hesitation.

“Only if you’ll share it with me.” Clarke feels like this is the best way to go, so they can both enjoy it. “Deal?”

Lexa nods and grabs a spoon for herself too. They talk a bit about other recipes and about Clarke’s wedding that’s coming up. The small bowl is empty too soon. She chuckles when the blonde licks her fingers, clearly having enjoyed it.

“I should probably go back now.” Clarke says regretfully. “They’ll wonder what’s taking me so long.” She remembers she’s been in the back with Lexa for a while. Bellamy, Octavia and Raven are probably wondering where she is.

“Clarke, wait.” Lexa quickly says, grasping Clarke’s wrist before the blonde can walk away.

“What is it, Lexa?” Clarke arches an eyebrow in confusion when she turns around and looks at Lexa.

“You have some chocolate on your face.” Lexa chuckles softly while her eyes flit down to Clarke’s lips.

“God this is awkward, um do you mind…um getting it for me?” Clarke feels stupid for asking. She sounds like she can’t even clean her own face.

Lexa steps closer to Clarke. Her left hand reaches up to the blonde’s cheek.

Clarke feels a shiver rolling down her spine at Lexa’s touch, which is confusing because the brunette shouldn’t be having that effect on her. She can feel Lexa’s breath, as a blush creeps up her cheeks. Something about the brunette’s touch makes her feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Lexa softly strokes her thumb over Clarke’s cheek, right next to her lips, cleaning the chocolate away. When it’s gone, she drops her hand and takes a step back. “You’re good to go now, Clarke.” She husks as she smiles shyly.  

“Thank you, Lexa.” Clarke replies gratefully. “I’ll see you soon again at the table, yeah?” She shifts a bit awkwardly, seemingly unsure what to do all of the sudden.

Lexa nods briefly. She’ll be at the table again once Clarke is back out there.

Clarke walks away to go back to her fiancé and her friends. There is an odd feeling in her stomach which she can’t quite place. Suddenly she feels reluctant to go back and she has no idea why.

“Were you raiding her chocolate supply?” Raven asks as she laughs loudly while Octavia and Bellamy laugh too, because Clarke had been in the back for a while. “I hope there’s still some left for your wedding.”

Clarke doesn’t hear them, because she’s thinking and all she can think about is Lexa and the weird feelings she has that she never felt before. While Octavia, Raven and Bellamy laughs, she zones out, replying to moment she shared with the brunette in the back. It had been nice, more than nice even.

Raven looks at Clarke who seems to be daydreaming, could be about chocolate. “So Clarke, which of these delicious chocolate desserts do you prefer?” She asks curiously, knowing chocolate mousse isn’t among them. “Earth to Clarke?”

Octavia chuckles a bit, because Clarke clearly drifted off into her own world.

Clarke snaps out of her daze. “Mhm, what?” She sighs a bit and looks at her friends.

“We’re wondering if you decided yet which one of these desserts you prefer.” Raven explains, repeating her previous words.  

“Um, I’m not sure yet.” Clarke replies earnestly. She has no idea which chocolate dessert she wants for her wedding… _her_ wedding. Her thoughts keep going back to the time she spent with Lexa.

“We can go home and you can think about it for a while and once you know, we’ll give Miss Woods a call, okay?” Bellamy squeezes Clarke’s hand softly, while smiling warmly at her.

Before Clarke can say anything, Lexa is making another suggestion.

“I’ll be making other chocolate desserts tomorrow and if you like, you’re both welcome to try them out.” Lexa’s eyes shift between Bellamy and Clarke for a while.

“That sounds fantastic, but unfortunately I have an appointment tomorrow to get a tux.” Bellamy looks at Clarke, feeling a bit guilty. “I’m sorry, Clarke.”

“It is fine, Bell, don’t worry about it. The desserts I tried tonight are all really great and I’m sure I’ll be able to make a choice eventually.” Clarke smiles weakly, trying to sound reassuring, but she feels disappointed.

Octavia comes up with an idea. “Clarke can come here tomorrow to try new desserts while you go get your tux.” She says to Bellamy, feeling like it’s a good alternative.

“That’s actually a good idea, O!” Bellamy feels better, knowing that Clarke will be pleased. “If Miss Woods doesn’t mind?”

Lexa’s lips curve into a smile. “I don’t mind.” She likes the idea of Clarke coming over again.

Clarke is smiling. Her pearly white teeth do her justice. “Great then it’s settled!” She can’t hide the excitement in her voice, and she’s not sure if she’s excited that she can try more chocolate desserts tomorrow or if she’s merely excited to see Lexa again.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke goes to Lexa's place and asks her to grab coffee together.

The sun is barely breaking through the window when Clarke is rushing off into the bathroom to get ready.

Bellamy is grunting a bit while he gets up too. He knocks on the bathroom door. “Clarke, I know you’re excited to try more chocolate desserts today. I know how much you love chocolate, and sure chocolate is delicious, but it’s 6 in the morning.” He grumbles a bit. “Can you please come back to bed for a bit?” He hopes he can convince Clarke, because it’s way too early. They should stay in bed together a bit longer. 

Clarke turns the shower on, letting Bellamy know she’s not convinced to crawl back in bed. She has been looking forward to go taste more chocolate desserts and to see Lexa again. Her night has been short because she could barely sleep, since her thoughts kept drifting to the brunette. It's early, she knows that, but yet, it doesn't feel like she can get to Lexa fast enough. 

When Clarke gets out of the shower, she wraps a towel around herself and walks out of the bathroom. She had been in such a hurry that she had forgotten her clothes, so she walks into her bedroom to go pick out some clothes. With certain things, or well, a certain someone on her mind, it seems easy to forget a thing or two. 

Bellamy eyes Clarke when he sees that she’s only wearing a towel. His lips meet his fiancée’s lips. He brings his hands up to the towel that’s covering Clarke’s body, but before he can take the towel away, however, his fiancée stops him.

“Not before our wedding, Bell.” Clarke’s warning is playful, but also serious, not wanting this to happen. She's not ready to take that step and it's a line she doesn't plan to cross. Bellamy is aware of her boundaries, so he shouldn't try anything. 

Bellamy looks like a lost puppy. “I know, I know… but seeing you in a towel like this drives me insane and we’ll be married soon…” He says, silently hoping he can somehow convince Clarke. They have been together for three years and soon they'll be married, so he doesn't see why they can't. 

Clarke sighs and runs her hand through her hair. “Listen Bell, we talked about this. You know how I feel about this. I don’t want to take that step before we are married. I know it sounds old school, but you promised, Bell.”

Clarke feels tired she has to go over this again. When she got together with Bellamy, she told him from the very get go that she wants to wait to have sex and that she will not consent as long as she’s not married. It’s important to her and Bellamy has always respected her wish. Old school or not, she figures that if someone truly loves her, they’ll wait for her. So far Bellamy has always waited, but as their wedding is closing in, he appears to grow impatient. If it's meant to be then it will be. She doesn't plan to ignore her boundaries because they are engaged. Sure, he has been waiting patiently, but then he should be able to wait for one more month. 

“I’m sorry.” Bellamy apologizes. “You’re right.” He holds his head down in defeat, knowing he has lost. 

Clarke decides to wear a pair of jeans and a baby blue shirt with a low cut, which really brings out her eyes, although her eyes aren’t the only thing her shirt brings out. It's a fact she's very much aware of. 

Bellamy groans when he notices what Clarke is wearing. This is too much for him. It physically pains him to see his fiancée in certain ways, yet being unable to have sex with her. He knows he'll have to wait, but he has been waiting for a long time already. Because he loves Clarke, he tries hard to respect her wishes. 

Clarke giggles, knowing what her outfit is doing to him. What she also knows is that she’s not wearing this outfit for Bellamy, which is bad. This simply suits her well, that’s all and she’s trying to look good.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke leaves right after she finishes eating her breakfast. She hurries to get to Lexa’s place. When she reaches the brunette’s door, it appears to be closed. She glances at the silver watch around her wrist. It’s 8 in the morning. She wonders if Lexa is awake, knowing the brunette expects her, but there hadn’t been any mentioning about which time. After hesitating for five minutes she rings the doorbell. When there is no sound or movement, she rings the doorbell again. This time there must be movement. She hears someone bumping into things and cursing loudly.

“Shit… ah… fuck… stupid closet.”

A woman opens the door and eyes Clarke. “Who are you?”

Clarke doesn’t recognize the woman. “Um… hi, I’m Clarke.” She says awkwardly, having hoped Lexa would have opened the door. The woman looks at her like she might rip her head off. “And who are you?”

“I’m Anya.” The woman replies and yawns a bit. “Why did you ring my doorbell at 8 in the morning?” She puts one of her hands on her hip, fixing Clarke with a glare.  

“I’m here for um… Miss Woods.” Clarke explains, feeling nervous. She tucks a piece of her hair behind her ear.

"Yes, so?"

"Uh... Lexa, I'm here for Lexa."

Anya turns around and yells, “Lexa get your ass down here, there’s some blonde at the door for you. She says her name is Clarke.”

Clarke feels a bit more at ease when Lexa shows up next to Anya. She didn't mean to wake them all up and she hopes she hasn't upset Lexa's wife, because Anya does seem rather grumpy. Then again, if someone would ring her doorbell in the morning when she's sleeping, she would be grumpy as well. 

Lexa’s eyes look soft and gentle. “Hello, Clarke.” She greets politely.

“Hi, Miss Woods.”

“Please, call me Lexa.”

“I’m sorry that I rang your doorbell so early, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Lexa smiles at Clarke, not minding it that she’s so early. “It’s alright, Clarke.” She assures the blonde it's fine, because it is. 

“Speak for yourself.” Anya huffs, not feeling okay with someone ringing the doorbell this early.

“I’m sorry, Anya I didn’t mean to wake you.” Clarke says apologetically as she looks at Anya and then proceeds to look at Lexa. “I didn’t mean to wake your wife.” She feels herself blush and regrets she said that, because she's embarrassing herself. 

Anya and Lexa both laugh, making Clarke feel confused, since she has no idea why this is so funny.

“Anya is not my wife.” Lexa corrects, noticing how confused Clarke appears. “She’s my older sister.” It’s not the first time someone assumes Anya would be her wife, instead of her sister. Anya and she are pretty much used to it, so they laugh it off every time.

“Ohhh” Clarke thinks her face can’t get any redder than it must be right now. “I didn’t mean to imply.” That’s easy to say, because she jumped to assumptions fast. Now she definitely embarrassed herself. When Anya had responded when she asked for Miss Woods, she thought it meant they were married. She didn't think they'd be sisters, because it's not physically noticeable. 

“You can come inside, Clarke.” Lexa gives Anya a push to back away from the door, so Clarke can step inside.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“This is delicious!” Clarke hums after tasting another creation of Lexa’s chocolate desserts.

“So Clarke, you’re about to get married?” Anya asks curiously.  

“Yes, soon.”

“With a guy?”

“Uh.” Clarke is a bit confused why Anya is asking her those questions. “Yes, with a guy.”

Anya looks at Lexa who replies with a shrug. When her sister walks into the kitchen, she follows her.  “I see the way you look at Clarke, you have to stop.” She whispers in Lexa’s ear, feeling like this can’t end well.

“I do not know what you are talking about, Anya.” Lexa shrugs, denying Anya’s comment. “There’s nothing to worry about.”

“Lex, I know you, I see the way you look at her. And it’s bad because she’s clearly off limits. That girl is about to get married, with a guy no less!” Anya’s tone is serious and warning. “I know you Lex, I know you’re smart. You wouldn’t go after a straight girl and you wouldn’t go after a girl who’s about to get married, especially not a girl who is both straight and about to get married!”

“Nothing is going on, Anya. I may have looked at her a bit, but that’s because she is beautiful, that’s all.” Lexa hopes Anya will drop it, because her sister shouldn’t have to be worrying about this, since nothing is going on.

“Okay, she’s very easy on the eyes, I’ll give you that, but that doesn’t take away the fact how much _not_ single she is!” Anya grabs Lexa’s wrist and looks at her, trying to get through to her. She doesn't want her sister to needlessly get hurt by getting hung up on a girl who Lexa can never have. 

“There is no need to worry, Anya. I will not try anything with Clarke. She is my customer and that is all.” Lexa smiles weakly at Anya, trying her best to assure Anya that Clarke is merely a customer.

“Okay Lex.” Anya replies, sighing.  “Be careful.”

Clarke is still tasting desserts when Lexa and Anya walk back into the room.

“Have you been able to make a decision, Clarke?” Lexa asks, rolling Clarke’s name smoothly off of her tongue.

Clarke smiles and looks up at Lexa. “Yes, actually I have.” She replies, glad she made a decision.

When Anya disappears in the back, Clarke walks up to Lexa. She swallows thickly when she steps into the brunette’s personal space.

Lexa clears her throat, realizing how close Clarke is standing. “Which dessert would you like, Clarke?” She stiffens when the blonde grabs her wrist, leans in closer and whispers into her ear.

“Surprise me.” Clarke pulls back with a sneaky smile on her face. Being so close to Lexa feels tempting for her and it is different.

Lexa clenches her jaw and nods, not able to form any words now.

“I still feel bad for disturbing you so early…” Clarke whispers, looking directly into Lexa’s eyes. “I want to make it up to you. If you’d like we can grab some coffee together?” She tries her best to keep her voice steady, despite how nervous she is.

Lexa nods, still not forming any words. She hopes she doesn’t strike Clarke as rude.

“Lex, where are you going?” Anya arches her eyebrow at Lexa, who is about to walk out the door with Clarke.

“I offered to grab some coffee because I disturbed her so early.” Clarke is quick to say. She’s so close to spend time with Lexa, just the two of them and she doesn’t want anyone to interrupt. It scares her why she even wants to be alone with the brunette.

Clarke realizes she disturbed Anya early as well and only asking Lexa might raise questions she isn’t ready to answer. “You can come too, if you’d like.” She offers. “After all, I disturbed you early too.” She is hoping Anya will say no, which makes her feel guilty.

Anya hesitates for a while and shifts her eyes between Clarke and Lexa. “Nah, I have some stuff to do, but you two can go.” She finally answers, smiling weakly. If they want to play with fire so badly, then it’s up to them to get burned and learn something from it, although she's worried her sister will be the one who will get burned all over.  

Lexa lets out an inaudible sigh. Her eyes don’t miss the warning look on Anya’s face and she knows her sister is right. She has to be careful, because there has been truth to Anya’s words. It would be futile to hope for anything. If the situation would have been different and if Clarke would have been single, she would have asked her out, but alas, the blonde is engaged and will be married soon, with a guy. She can't compete with that, and she wouldn't. It would be wrong to break up a couple and pointless, since Clarke undoubtedly must be straight. 

Clarke is relieved Anya rejected the offer. This is a good opportunity to get to know Lexa a little bit better, because she's curious to learn more about the brunette, who seems to capture her interest in a way she can't explain. She wonders why Lexa's older sister has such an intense look, it's quite intimidating. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke blows into her cup of steamy coffee while her eyes dart towards Lexa. “So you and Anya are sisters.” Her voice is deep and husky. It had been silent, so she wanted to begin a conversation somehow. There's something oddly relaxing to know Lexa and Anya are sisters and not a couple, not that it should matter. 

Lexa nods. “We are.” She didn't think Clarke would bring that up, since it had been established already. 

“Are you single?” Clarke blurts it out before realizing how weird that must sound. “Uh… I’m sorry it’s not my business, I just have some single friends and uh… not that I plan to hook you up with anyone…” She shifts uncomfortably on her chair, thinking about how bad she’s messing this up. It would be a good idea to think once or twice, or well, maybe three times before she speaks, to avoid blurting out things like that.

Lexa chuckles a bit, amused by how flustered Clarke looks.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to ramble like that.” Clarke takes a sip from her coffee so she can shut herself up.

“I think it is cute when you ramble, Clarke.” Lexa says earnestly, not bothered in the slightest.

“Uh.” Clarke feels heat striking her cheeks. “Thanks.”

“I am.” Lexa says calmly. “Single, that is.” She takes a sip from her coffee while studying Clarke's expressions, curious why the blonde asked. 

Clarke feels like since she got herself into this mess, she might as well try to make some sense of it. “Oh okay, well if you’d like… there are some guys who would be glad to take you out, I’m sure, because you’re beautiful and…” She stops because she’s rambling again, and she just told Lexa that she’s beautiful.

Lexa blushes a slight shade of pink. “Thank you, Clarke.” She takes a sip from her coffee before continuing. “I appreciate the offer, but I am not interested. Men are not…I don’t see myself with men.” This increases her suspicion that Clarke must be straight. 

“Oh so you’re… okay.” Clarke whispers softly and she’s concerned she has made Lexa uncomfortable now. She had no idea, it simply didn't cross her mind and it should have. Here she went again, assuming yet again. What is she even doing? First she thought the brunette would have been married to Anya and now she was assuming Lexa would be straight. If someone opens a dictionary and looks up the word idiot, her name will be next to it, she's sure of it. 

“Yes, Clarke, I am gay.” Lexa states dryly. She drinks what’s left of her coffee, not ashamed to share she’s gay, but it’s quite unexpected.

“Well I know some girls…” Clarke feels intrigued now that she knows that Lexa is into girls, which she can’t quite place. It's confusing why this would intrigue her the way it does. She needs to get a grip on herself. 

Lexa shakes her head. “I do not seek to be with anyone for a while.” She politely declines Clarke’s offer, because she doesn’t need anyone to set her up with someone.

“Oh okay.” Clarke drinks her coffee so she can take Lexa back home. She figures she has made Lexa uncomfortable enough anyway.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“I met a girl, but she is….” Lexa thinks for a second about which words to use. “…off limits. I need some time before I would consider dating someone.” She smiles apologetically at Clarke while they’re standing at her front door.

Clarke nods with a soft smile. “Is it okay if… if I give you a hug?” Her voice shakes a bit, thinking back about how Lexa had stiffened earlier that day when she grabbed her wrists, and how easily the brunette takes a step back when she takes a step closer, so obviously Lexa must have an issue with someone being in her personal space. “Like, a comfort hug I mean.”

Lexa nods slowly, mentally preparing herself for Clarke’s hug.

Clarke wraps her arms around Lexa. The moment she does that, she feels like she doesn’t want to let go. She smiles when she feels the brunette’s arms wrapping around her, holding her close. She meant to give Lexa a short hug, but she feels like both of them want a longer hug, however, she quickly lets go when they’re both startled by someone clearing their throat.

Clarke and Lexa both look into the direction where the sound came from, to see Anya rolling her eyes, watching as she’s leaning against the frame of the door.

Clarke allows her eyes to drift back to Lexa, who is already looking at her. “I should go now.”

Lexa simply nods.

“I’ll see you around, Lexa.”

“Yes, Clarke.”

Lexa is about to walk away to go inside, but Clarke suddenly leans in and kisses her cheek, making her blush instantly. As fast as the blonde kissed her cheek, Clarke is walking away, leaving her speechless. Okay, people tend to kiss each other’s cheek casually in a greeting or when they part ways. That’s all it is, something casual, so she shouldn’t make more out of it.

Clarke stops around the corner where she can’t be seen anymore, so she can catch her breath. Panic fills her eyes as she feels a pang in her chest when she is painfully aware of three things.

 

  1. She’s about to marry Bellamy in a month.
  2. She like-likes Lexa.
  3. Shit, she likes Lexa…



 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clarke can't resist Lexa, it's impossible.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They go to watch some fireworks. 
> 
> Clarke is surprised when Lexa appears to be there.

Clarke sighs when she arrives home and sits down on her couch. She’s not particularly tired, but her mind is, because thoughts have been racing through it. Her lips burn from the kiss she placed on Lexa’s cheek. She had to restrain herself from kissing the brunette’s lips, like she wanted to do, but she knows that would have been wrong. Considering her upcoming marriage, wrong is probably an understatement. Her thoughts are interrupted when Bellamy, Raven and Octavia burst through the door.

Bellamy walks over to Clarke and gives her a chaste kiss. “Hey babe, how was your day?” He asks, hoping she had a good day, while sitting down next to his fiancée, smiling at her.

Clarke smiles weakly and hopes that Bellamy won’t notice anything. “It was okay.”

“There are fireworks tonight at the park, we should go!” Octavia suggests as her eyes light up while her gaze shifts between Clarke, Bellamy and Raven. “It’ll be fun.”

“Sounds good, I’m going.” Raven wraps her arms around Octavia’s waist and playfully pulls her close to land a kiss on her cheek. She doesn’t need any convincing when it comes to fireworks.

Clarke feels their eyes on her now, as they wait for an answer.  “Yeah I’ll go, sounds fun.” She says while standing up from the couch. Maybe the distraction will help to forget some of her thoughts.  

“Be ready in two hours then we’ll go.” Octavia grabs Raven’s wrist and pulls her with her to walk towards the guestroom so they can pick out clothes.

Bellamy looks at Clarke with some concern in his eyes. He picks up his fiancée’s chin to make her look into his eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Ah yeah.” Clarke shrugs. “Just a bit tired.” She knows that’s not quite true, but she doesn’t feel like telling Bellamy what’s going on and she can’t tell him even if she’d want to. It's better if she keeps her thoughts to herself, or at the very least until she gets her thoughts in order. 

“We don’t have to go to the fireworks tonight if you’re tired. We can relax and watch a movie instead.” Bellamy sits down on the couch, to prove that he’s serious with his suggestion.

“No, Bell, it’s fine. I’m not that tired.” Clarke shrugs again and makes her way to the bathroom.

Clarke doesn’t particularly look forward to go, but perhaps getting some air might do her good. Plus she doesn’t feel like sitting on the couch with Bellamy because she doesn’t want to be alone with him right now. It’s wrong to think those things, but she can’t help it. All she thinks about is Lexa. Maybe the brunette can be her friend, she would like that. Figuring it might be a bit cold outside she decides to wear her dark yellow sweater and dark jeans.

Raven is wearing a red dress and it’s clear to see Octavia’s approving look when she eyes Raven. Clarke can’t blame Octavia for eyeing Raven so much, Raven is beautiful and that red dress suits her perfectly.

Octavia playfully whistles at Raven, approving of what she's wearing. 

The sound of Octavia’s whistle makes Raven blush. “I should be whistling for you.” She says while looking at Octavia with a spark of lust in her eyes, because Octavia is wearing a little black dress.

Octavia smirks at Raven, pecks her lips and wraps her arms tightly around her. It's flattering, but she disagrees because Raven looks way better. 

Bellamy groans at the sight of those two. “You two are being like a couple again.” He says, hoping they'll cut it out. It's sort of gross how much Octavia and Raven cling together and it's not something he needs to see. He's slightly relieved his sister doesn't do that with all the friends she has. 

“It looks more like they already are a couple.” Clarke points out thoughtfully, feeling like it’s not an act, but a fact. She and Bellamy often teased Octavia and Raven about being like a couple, but lately they really, really look like they are together. Even though Octavia and Raven only gave each other a peck on the lips, she has never seen them kiss each other before. "I mean look at them, seems pretty obvious to me."

Raven and Octavia say nothing in return. All they do is glance at each other and blush.

“Wait…” Bellamy looks a bit shocked at Octavia and Raven. “…Are you two? Wait, really?” He asks, sounding truly confused.

“Well…” Octavia’s voice is soft and she looks at Raven for support.

“Yes, we are together, as a matter of fact.” Raven says with pride, while wrapping Octavia in her arms. She doesn't mind that the cat is out of the bag now. It took Clarke longer than she thought it would take care to notice. 

“How long have you two-”

Octavia cuts Bellamy off, answering. “About a year.” She smirks, enjoying the shocked look on her brother’s face. Ah, this moment is priceless, he didn't have a clue. 

“Yup, I got myself this fine young lady over here for about a year now.” Raven’s smile grows wider. She kisses Octavia for a moment, now that Bellamy and Clarke know they don’t have to hide it. They had kept it a secret all this time, wondering if anyone would ever figure it out, since they have always been close. 

Clarke is genuinely surprised to hear that. “I assumed you two are together because how much closer you two seemed lately, but I had no idea you two would be together for about a year already!” She already saw it coming that Octavia and Raven are together, but not that they have been for so long already. They sure did a good job hiding it long enough.

Bellamy’s brotherly concern is taking over. “You’re still so young, O.”

“I’m nineteen, that’s not so young, Bell.” Octavia sighs, feeling tired of her brother’s concern. “Can’t you just be happy for me?” She holds Raven in her arms. “For us?” Even if he wouldn’t be, she’s still going to be happy with her girlfriend. At least she had waited to be eighteen before she officially began to date Raven, so Bellamy should shut up, smile and nod. 

“I am happy for you, for the both of you. I’m just concerned. Raven is older than you.” Bellamy’s eyes flit to Raven who’s still being held by Octavia.

Clarke chuckles.

“Why is this funny?” Bellamy asks Clarke. “I’m being serious.”

“Bell please, are you really worried because Raven is two years older than Octavia? You know those two fit together perfectly. They have always been close and I’m really not surprised that they’re together. I would have been surprised if they wouldn’t have ended up together, quite frankly. You also seem to forget that you’re three years older than me, so I think you shouldn’t give Octavia and Raven any comments about having a two years age difference when you have three years on me.”

Bellamy shrugs, but eventually he nods. “You’re right.”

Clarke runs over to Octavia and Raven for a hug. “I’m so happy for you two! My two best friends being together, this is great!”

Raven and Octavia free themselves from Clarke’s hug before she smothers them both.

They’re ready to leave when Clarke hears her phone ring. “Ugh sorry, excuse me for a second.” She grumbles under her breath before picking up her phone.

A sad look is plastered on Clarke’s face when she hangs up a few minutes later. Before Bellamy, Raven and Octavia can ask her about it, she’s already opening her mouth to say something. “I’ll tell you guys later let’s just go to the fireworks first, okay?” She steps out the door, not giving them the chance to argue about this.

 

 

* * *

 

 

It’s dark when they arrive at the park. There are more people than they anticipated.

“Hey, isn’t that the girl from those chocolate desserts?” Raven nudges Clarke and points at a brunette in the distance, recognizing her. 

Clarke follows Raven’s finger and notices that she’s pointing at Lexa. “Oh yeah, that’s her.” She bites her lips nervously, wondering why Lexa is here too.

“We should go say hi.” Octavia grasps Raven’s and Clarke’s arm while she makes her way towards Lexa.

Bellamy follows after them.

Clarke can see that Lexa isn’t alone, since Anya is standing right next to her. The brunette looks stoic and Lexa’s sister is grinning.

“Hi, Lexa.” Clarke greets, smiling at Lexa. “Anya.” She nods in Anya’s direction, acknowledging her presence as well.

“Hello, Clarke.” Lexa keeps her stoic look on her face, not showing a single hint of emotions.

Anya nods and looks at Clarke’s friends.

“I think we haven’t met you yet.” Raven says. “I’m Raven.” She reaches her hand out towards Anya.

“Anya.” Anya shakes Raven’s hand for a second. “I’m Lexa’s older sister.” A smile tugs at the corner of her lips as she sizes Raven up, who looks attractive. 

“This is Octavia, my gal.” Raven winks at Octavia with a smirk on her face.

Anya lips form a small line. Of course, Raven has a girlfriend. It's rare for someone to capture her eyes during a first meeting, but at least she knows from the bat where she's standing. 

“Apparently they are together for about a year and only told us today.” Bellamy says, still thinking about it and how they kept it silent all that time. “I’m Bellamy, Clarke’s husband to be.” He introduces himself to Anya, who strangely enough doesn't spare him a single glance. 

Clarke feels a shiver rolling down her spine when she hears Bellamy’s words. The reality creeps up on her, Bellamy is about to become her husband in less than a month and she’s not so sure anymore if that’s a good thing. An awkward silence falls over them, and she decides to take this moment to tell them about the call she received earlier, if only to effectively change the topic a bit, although not in the greatest direction. 

“So that call I received earlier was from the shop where I went for my wedding dress. Something went wrong and they’re terribly sorry, but they said I can come over tomorrow to try on other dresses and that they’ll give me a ten perfect discount.” Clarke sighs deeply after blurting that all out at once. Somehow she feels like it's a sign, a sign telling her she shouldn't get married. 

Anya raises one eyebrow. “That sucks, but the discount is a decent offer.” She says thoughtfully.

“Shit, tomorrow?” Raven sighs and shifts her eyes to Octavia before shifting them back to Clarke. “I already have something tomorrow with O, so we can’t go with you.” She looks towards the ground.

“We’re sorry Clarke, but your plans are kinda last minute right now and we can’t go with you tomorrow.” Octavia squeezes Clarke’s hand to apologize, not being able to go with her. She wishes she could, but her plans with Raven come first and she's not going to bail on her girlfriend. 

Bellamy places his hand on Clarke’s shoulder. “I’d love to go with you, but I know you don’t want me to see your dress before our wedding.” He says, knowing his fiancée is traditional like that, which he wants to respect. 

“I’d rather not go alone, but I understand this situation isn’t easy.” Clarke sighs,  feeling a bit frustrated. Going with someone is better, because then she can have a second opinion about everything she tries on. 

“I can go with you, Clarke.” Lexa offers in a rush, without thinking it through. “If you don’t mind.” Her voice is strong and serious. She wonders what she's doing, because Clarke is her customer for some desserts and other than that, they barely know each other at all. 

Clarke is taken aback by Lexa’s sudden offer to accompany her. “Uh yeah sure, I don’t mind. That’s nice of you, thanks.”

“I can go with you as well.” Anya offers Clarke, feeling like Lexa shouldn’t go do that alone with the blonde.

Clarke nods and she’s confused by the glares Lexa and Anya exchange with each other. It’s like they’re throwing darts at each other with their eyes.

“Ooooh the fireworks are about to start, we should go watch them!” Octavia yells while she’s jumping up and down.

Raven grabs both of Octavia’s hands to walk with her to go see the fireworks.

Clarke reaches a hand out to Lexa, not fully aware of her sudden action.

Lexa hesitates for a second, but places her hand into Clarke’s hand anyway. She follows the blonde and Clarke’s friends through the crowd.  

Clarke feels like it’s suddenly too warm with her sweater on, maybe she should have dressed lighter after all.

Anya rolls her eyes while she follows Lexa. This is hopeless.

It’s dark so they’re not able to see much. They’re standing somewhere in the crowd.

Raven and Octavia slip away, to spend some time alone, away from the others.

“I’ll go get some drinks.” Bellamy kisses Clarke’s cheek and makes his way through the crowd to go get drinks.

Clarke is left with Lexa and Anya and she can feel there is some tension between the two sisters. Why is a mystery to her, because she doesn’t know.  Some fireworks are launched unexpectedly, startling her. She squeezes Lexa’s hand and curses herself for grabbing and squeezing the brunette’s hand, so she quickly lets go. The next set of fireworks goes off and she finds herself jumping up a bit, startled yet again. When the third set goes off, she feels two arms wrapping around her waist, while hands are carefully placed right below her chest.

Lexa’s soft voice whispers into Clarke’s ear. “Breathe, Clarke.”

Clarke feels nervous. So Lexa is the one who’s holding her, the brunette’s hands are placed right below her chest, Lexa is whispering in her ear and the brunette is helping her breathe, helping her to relax. Realizing all of that makes her feel warm.

“Take a deep breath, Clarke.”

Clarke does exactly what Lexa tells her. She takes a deep breath, thankful for the brunette’s help. She had been so tense and Lexa’s voice is comforting, she can hear the brunette counting seconds.

“Breathe out, Clarke.” Lexa’s voice is soft and husky, coaxing Clarke through this.

Clarke breathes out, doing what Lexa tells her. The brunette is like a comfort blanket and she wishes she could wrap Lexa’s arms around her tighter.

“Very good, Clarke. Now repeat after me.” Lexa puts Clarke’s hands on the blonde’s chest and places her own hands on top of Clarke’s hands, gently rubbing her thumb over the blonde’s hands. “I’m not afraid.”

Clarke takes a deep breath in, a deep breath out and whispers, “I’m not afraid.”

Lexa continues to help Clarke until the blonde reassures her that she’s fine.

“Thank you, Lexa.” Clarke turns around to face Lexa. Even in the dark, she can clearly see the brunette’s green eyes, albeit darker and her stunning jawline. “You’re amazing.” She means those words, because Lexa has helped her and that’s amazing. It’s too dark to tell if the brunette is blushing, but she is glad that it is so dark, because she’s sure her cheeks are crimson by now.

“It was my pleasure, Clarke.” Lexa is standing close to Clarke, too close. She’s not sure if she’s leaning in or if the blonde is, perhaps they both are.

Clarke leans in a bit closer, almost touching Lexa’s lips and it frightens her, because she wants to.

Bellamy’s voice appears out of the darkness. “It took me a while, but I finally got us all drinks.”

Clarke quickly pulls away from Lexa to accept a cup from Bellamy. She is thankful for the darkness of the night. From the look Anya gives her, she knows Lexa’s sister has seen what almost happened. She’s breathing too fast now and quickly empties her cup, but it doesn’t help.

Anya can’t believe Lexa and Clarke nearly kissed. Those two idiots were both leaning closer towards each other and it’s not right. The blonde is engaged, so her sister will only end up hurt. If they keep that up, Clarke and Lexa won't be the only ones who will get hurt from it. There's also that guy, Blamy or something. Whatever, she wasn't listening when he introduced himself because she was shamelessly staring at Raven. Dammit, she's not much better than her sister. 

Clarke places her hands on her chest and whispers inaudibly, “I’m not afraid.” Yet as she says those words, she has never felt more scared in her life.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Anya. 
> 
> Ah and the Clexa babies, so close.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke hangs out with Lexa to try on wedding dresses. 
> 
> She ends up in a heated argument with Bellamy.

Clarke fidgets with the hem of the pink blouse she’s wearing. Today she has to go try on wedding dresses and Lexa will be joining her. There is something about that, making her really nervous. Anya will be joining her as well, and she's not sure how to feel about that, but it's probably better she'll be there as well. The more the merrier, she guesses. Even so, she can't stop thinking how she's rather go with Lexa, without having Anya around as well. She shouldn't be having thoughts like this, it's wrong. 

Bellamy, Raven and Octavia are already gone, she had been glad to see them leave. She loves them, but they pretty much interrogated her during breakfast when she told them she wasn’t hungry. It didn’t help that she wouldn’t even eat the chocolate dessert Bellamy had kept in the refrigerator for her. That was what really pushed them over the edge to question her.She simply didn't feel up to it, not even if it was chocolate. 

When the doorbell rings, Clarke nearly jumps out of her skin. She opens the door, looking directly at the brunette with the pretty green eyes. Lexa is wearing plaid and damn does she rock her outfit. Much to her confusion, she doesn't see Anya. That's odd, she thought Lexa's older sister was going to be here as well. Not that she would complain about Anya not joining them. 

Lexa smiles at Clarke, who has yet to say a word. “Hello, Clarke.”

“Hi, Lexa. Thank you for coming over and for, well for everything really.”

"It's nothing, really." Lexa rushes to say, since it's no big deal. "My sister isn't here because she had something else to do." She knows that's a lie, because she left before Anya woke up, something her sister can yell at her for later. It seemed better not to bring Anya, since she took notice last night that Clarke didn't seem comfortable with the idea of her sister tagging along as well. Of course the blonde was likely too polite to decline and on top of that, Anya is rather intense. 

Clarke closes the door behind her. She grabs her keys to lock the door, but because she is too nervous, she ends op dropping her keys on the floor. Great way to impress a girl, wait, impress? Not that she should impress Lexa, but some part of her wants to.

“Shit.” Clarke mutters under her breath and bends down to pick up her keys, failing to notice Lexa is bending down too.

Their heads bump against each other, painfully so. 

“Ow.” Clarke rubs her hand over her head. “Shit, I’m sorry, Lexa.” She apologizes, feeling bad for bumping against her. 

Lexa rubs her own forehead. “It is fine, Clarke. It was entirely my fault.” Her cheeks are a dark shade of pink. She feels like it really was her fault, since Clarke likely didn’t expect her to bend down to pick up the keys. When her eyes lowers, she stop breathing for a second. Dear god. 

Clarke sees how Lexa’s eyes flit to her cleavage, before the brunette looks up at her again. Okay it is probably not helpful that her pink blouse reveals her cleavage quite well. She’s wearing that only a little bit on purpose. God, what the hell is wrong with her? She should have dressed casually, rather than trying to show off her goods. When she's near Lexa, it feels like Bellamy suddenly doesn't exist anyone. It's all wrong, because she has been with him for three years. 

“Does your head hurt, Lexa?” Clarke asks worriedly, regaining herself. “It was quite the bump.” She can tell, because she felt it and her head hurts a bit, so Lexa’s head must hurt as well.

Lexa shakes it off. “A little.”

Without thinking, Clarke kisses Lexa’s forehead.

Lexa looks baffled. “W-why did you do that?” She asks, feeling truly confused now because of Clarke’s sudden action, which she didn’t anticipate.

Clarke blushes. “I… I’m sorry, Lexa. It’s just that when I was younger, if my head was hurting, my mother would kiss my forehead and say ‘all better’ so yeah that is why… uh yeah… I shouldn’t have.” She stammers nervously, unable to look at Lexa right now. "So uh... all better."

Clarke mentally scolds herself. That was not a smart move to make. What is she even doing? She is about to get married and here she is, wishing to kiss Lexa’s lips rather than her forehead. What would Bellamy think if he would know about this? She's making a fool out of herself, which seems to happen each time Lexa is nearby. Not that she blames the brunette for it, because it's her fault and not Lexa's fault. She's the one thinking things that she shouldn't and having certain doubts, which she also shouldn't have. 

Their walk to the bridal shop is awkward and silent. Neither one of them seems to know what to say. Clarke doesn’t blame Lexa, because she probably scared the brunette away with her weird actions and of course Lexa would be too polite to walk away after the brunette said she would help her pick out a wedding dress.

“We’re here.” Clarke gestures to the door of the shop.

Lexa nods and follows Clarke inside. She has been at a loss for words and has yet to find them. Being attracted to the blonde is wrong and she has to get over this. The click happened for her the second she saw Clarke in her shop, with her sunshine golden hair, sky blue eyes and a smile that brightens even the darkest days. Clarke is enchanting and even though she shouldn't be, she finds herself spellbound. Out of all people, she is into an engaged straight woman. This is just her luck, which is never on her side. 

Clarke asks Lexa’s opinion about each wedding dress she tries on, genuinely wanting to hear the brunette's thoughts and somehow craving Lexa's approval. Yet as she tries dresses on, it feels as if she's actually asking approval about her wedding, rather than about some dress. 

Lexa's reactions to each dress are nearly identical, because seriously, Clarke could walk around wearing a paper bag and she'd still be the breathtakingly beautiful. She wants to be helpful, she does, but it's not her fault that the blonde can make any dress work perfectly. 

After five dresses, Clarke feels tired to try on more. That is until the lady from the bridal shop hands her a wedding dress she loves right away. It’s pearly white and has no sleeves, and when she tries it on and it fits her perfectly, showing off all her curves in all the right places.

“What do you think, Lexa?” Clarke slowly turns around so Lexa can check her out from all angles, or well, the dress. Of course the dress. Maybe. A bit. Something definitely is wrong with her. She must have hit her head harder than she thought when she bumped against Lexa's forehead, alas that didn't knock any sense into her. 

“You look beautiful, Clarke.” Lexa replies earnestly, smiling warmly. "You're truly gorgeous, perfect in every way."

Clarke melts at the sight of Lexa’s smile. “I think I will choose this dress, I really like this one.” She beams, feeling like this is the dress she needs to have.

“It suits you beautifully, Clarke.”

Clarke is standing in front of Lexa. She’s smiling and the brunette is smiling back at her, this is contagious. Her cheeks hurt from smiling so much, but how can she do anything else but smile when Lexa is near? It's worse than she thought. 

The lady from the bridal shop nods approvingly and looks at Lexa. “Your wife will look perfect at your wedding. Most customers don’t bring their partners with them when they’re trying on dresses, but times have changed. You're a beautiful couple, you look so happy together and love like that is rare these days."

Clarke almost chokes. “Oh n-no… no, she’s not… we’re not.” She tries to form her words and frantically points between herself and Lexa. The words the woman spoke caught her completely off guard. 

Lexa comes to Clarke’s rescue. “Clarke is not my wife. I am a… friend?” She says questioningly, looking at the blonde who nods at her. “We are friends and I am helping her decide.” What the woman said keeps playing through her mind and she wonders if they truly look like a couple. Perhaps they do, but they're not. Clarke is spoken for. 

The lady from the shop blushes. “Oh my, I am so sorry about that. I could have sworn by the way you two….” She clears her throat. “That dress looks gorgeous on you.” The lady smiles at Clarke. “The person you will be marrying is very lucky.”

It warms Clarke’s heart how the woman says ‘person’ rather than referring to a certain gender. She smiles back at the woman. “He is a good man.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Later that day Clarke tells Bellamy about the awkward moment she had earlier at the bridal shop, because it all sounds crazy. She had no idea people would assume she'd be together with Lexa, then again, she assumed the brunette would have been with Anya. 

Bellamy laughs. “Sounds like that lady thought you two were an item.” He says teasingly, waiting curiously how Clarke will react. 

Clarke chuckles. “Yeah, it seems so.” It’s slightly amusing, but it also makes her wonder if she has that vibe with Lexa.

Bellamy leans in to kiss Clarke, but she turns her face, making his kiss land on her cheek instead of on her lips.

Clarke doesn’t know why she just did that. It was a quick reflex, like something inside her doesn’t want Bellamy to kiss her. She shouldn't be turning away, because he is her fiancé, but she did and she feels like if he'd try to kiss her again, she'd turn away all over again. 

Bellamy pulls back and looks at Clarke. “Why did you do that?”

“I-I’m not sure, Bell.” Clarke knows she’s lying. Okay she may not fully know why she did that, but she does know it was a reflex of not wanting Bellamy to kiss her. She doesn't know how she can tell him that without hurting him, because that seems impossible. 

Bellamy shrugs and looks annoyed. “You’re acting weird lately.”

“What do you mean I’m acting weird lately?" Clarke asks, taken aback by his sudden comment. "What is that supposed to mean?”

Bellamy stands up. “Don’t look so surprised, Clarke.” He’s not in the mood for this, because he's already on edge as it is. 

“Bell, I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Clarke knows she may have been acting a bit different, but she wouldn’t say weird, not really.

“This morning you didn’t eat, not even your chocolate dessert and you love chocolate.” Bellamy crosses his arms over his chest. “Plus that lady from the shop thought Lexa was going to be your wife and people don’t just assume stuff like that, Clarke!” He shouts angrily.

“Bell, you’re being unreasonable. I was a bit nauseous this morning so I really didn’t want to eat anything.” Clarke tilts her head to the side, speaking quietly. “And about that lady from the shop, that was only a mistake, probably because I kept asking Lexa’s opinion because she was helping me decide. That’s all there is to it, Bell.” It’s not her fault the lady from that shop thought Lexa was going to be her wife. It’s not like she said anything to give that impression.

Bellamy scoffs. “Oh really, Clarke?” He asks, not believing her, knowing better. 

“Yes, Bell, really.” Clarke retorts, while feeling annoyed. “What is the matter with you?”  

“That’s rich. You’re asking me what the matter is with me? I should be asking you that!”

"You're the one who's getting on my case for no reason at all, Bell!"

 

 

* * *

 

 

Anya laughs loudly. Okay, at this point she can forgive Lexa for leaving earlier without her. 

“It is not funny, Anya!” Lexa crosses her arms. She just got home and told Anya everything, which she now regrets doing.

“Oh come on, Lex. It really is funny.” Anya nudges her sister. “That lady clearly thought you two were a thing.” She finds it entertaining and if Lexa and Clarke acted the way they did during the fireworks at the park, she's not at all surprised. 

“It was a mistake, Anya. That lady was drawing wrong assumptions, that's all there was to it.”

“Whatever you say, Lex. All I know is that one moment Clarke is your customer and now she’s your friend.”

Lexa rolls her eyes. “We are friends because we were hanging out together and it felt like a good excuse.” She explains, not seeing an issue with it. It was better to tell the woman they are friends, rather than having to go through explaining that Clarke is her customer. 

“Just an excuse huh?” Anya smirks. “You were helping her to pick out a wedding dress, next thing you know you’ll be picking out rings together.” Once again, it wouldn't surprise her if they would do just that, because whatever it is they have going, it's in the air. 

“Don’t be ridiculous, Anya. I am fairly sure she already has a ring.”

“That is not quite what I meant.” Anya winks playfully at her sister.

“You are seeing things that are not there, Anya.”

“Oh really, Lex? I recall your arms wrapped around her last night.”

Lexa gasps. “I was helping her breathe, that is all.” She hurries to say, feeling a blush creeping up on her cheeks. It was a good night and it had been tempting to kiss Clarke, but then Bellamy interrupted them. Oh god, the blonde is engaged, right. "There is nothing between Clarke and I."

“You’re in so deep, Lex.” Anya scoffs and eyes her sister. “I know you.” She can see that Lexa is hopelessly falling for Clarke, but the problem is that the blonde won’t be there to catch her sister when she is busy running off to get married. 

“Either way it does not matter, Anya. Clarke is about to get married with a man.”

Anya grabs Lexa’s hands. “You really like her, don’t you?” She doesn’t even need to ask, the answer is evident in her sister’s eyes.

Lexa bites her lips and nods. Denying it would be pointless. She does like Clarke, a whole lot, has liked the blonde since they shared chocolate mousse in the back of her shop. It’s wrong to like someone who is about to get married, but she can’t help the way she feels. Their almost kiss from last night still plays through her mind, on repeat. A part of her is relieved it didn’t happen, due to the circumstances and how it would complicate things, but another part of her wishes it would have happened.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Raven and Octavia walk in while Clarke and Bellamy are arguing with each other, quite heatedly. 

“Why the hell are you two fighting?” Octavia asks and gives her brother a light push. She doesn’t like hearing them argue like this, they’re supposed to be happy together and deeply in love.  

“I don’t know.” Clarke answers. “Bell is getting angry over nothing.” She crosses her legs and leans back onto the couch. “He began to argue with me.” She doesn’t like how Bellamy is blowing something so little up into something big. The incident at the bridal shop wasn’t her fault, geez it was merely a comment from someone who didn’t know better, yet Bellamy acts as if it's all her fault. 

Bellamy scoffs. “Clarke didn’t even let me kiss her.” He explains, conveying why he is so frustrated and angry.

Raven looks at Clarke with confusion twirling in her eyes. “Okay I have to hand this one to Bellamy. I know you’re like old fashioned and stuff with some things, but not letting him kiss you isn’t you. Something is up.” She concludes and leans on Octavia’s shoulder. "I'm not saying that makes it okay to argue, but it seems unusual you won't let him kiss you. I mean sure, Bell is gross, but hey, you're about to marry him." She tries to lighten the mood a bit, wanting to ease up the tension that's thick in the air. 

Clarke feels overly frustrated now, because she doesn’t need another interrogation. “Nothing is going on between me and Lexa okay!” She spats angrily, wanting them to leave her alone. "We're just friends!"

Raven and Octavia look confused, having no clue how Lexa is supposed to fit into all of this.

Bellamy gives Octavia and Raven a quick rundown about the bridal shop.

“Uh…” Octavia says confusedly. “Who said there is something going on between you and Lexa?” She asks Clarke, still not understanding because nobody claimed her friend has something going on with Lexa. That would be ridiculous, since nothing is going on between Clarke and Lexa.

“Bell seems to think so.”

Bellamy lets out a raspy laugh. “You two seemed quite close last night.” He says coldly and unmasked.

Clarke frowns at Bellamy’s words. “Now what is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that when I got back with some drinks, I saw how she had her arms wrapped around you and I saw the look on your face, Clarke.” Bellamy has tears in his eyes now as he shares exactly what he saw. “I saw how close you were standing and I saw…” His voice breaks, no trials of anger anymore, but of pain. “… I saw how you almost kissed her, how it seemed like you were about to… like you wanted to.” Tears roll down his cheeks. “And that is when I decided to step out the darkness to let you know I got back with the drinks, but the thing is… I was already there.” He wipes his tears away. “When you didn’t let me kiss you, I knew enough.”

Clarke runs into her bedroom and slams the door shut. _Shit_.

Right now Clarke knows three things.

 

  1. She still likes Lexa, a lot.
  2. Bellamy knows.
  3. Shit, Bellamy knows.



 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The cat certainly is out the bag now. 
> 
> Blub, blub Bellarke ship. May you sink forever.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke thinks about the feelings she has.

Clarke sits down on her bed and pulls her knees up under her chin, clasping her arms around her legs, sobbing softly. She’s confused, so, so, confused. Bellamy saw her last night, he saw how she almost kissed Lexa and he was right, she wanted to. What would she have done if Bellamy wouldn’t have showed up so suddenly? She remembers how fast she pulled away from Lexa when Bellamy’s voice rang through the air. She had been worried that she would have been caught and now she knows she has been. Bellamy saw the whole thing and now Raven and Octavia know about it as well. If he hadn't interrupted their almost kiss, it wouldn't have been almost. She would have kissed Lexa, completely forgetting the fact that she's engaged. This is messy, she has never felt this way before. When she's with Lexa, Bellamy stops existing, stops mattering. 

Clarke grasps the fabric of her blouse and brings it up to her eyes to dry them. This is not how this day should have ended. She was supposed to be happy, Bellamy was supposed to be happy… they both were supposed to be happy. She would have told him about how she found the perfect dress and he would have smiled at her. Sitting in her room bawling her eyes out is not how she expected this day to end at all. What makes it even worse is the look Bellamy had on his face, his teary pain-filled eyes. His once so bright eyes suddenly looked old and weary. It was evident on his face how hurt he must feel. No wonder Bellamy argued with her. She shouldn't have told him what happened at the bridal shop, the comments that lady made. That lady said love like that is rare...

Clarke wonders why Bellamy didn’t say anything sooner. Sure he seemed a bit grumpy earlier that day when she refused to eat breakfast, now that she thinks about it, but there was nothing out of the ordinary. She didn’t kiss Lexa so technically she didn’t cheat on Bellamy, but that doesn’t take away the fact that she did betray him. She feels like she has been betraying Bellamy since the day she met Lexa, the day where she spent some time in the back of Lexa’s shop where they ate chocolate mousse together. She has doubted her feelings for Bellamy ever since. How can she marry him when she has grown feelings for Lexa? How can she marry him when she has feelings for a woman since the first day she met her? Even though she didn't physically cheat on him, it feels like emotionally she did. 

Clarke’s head hurts from all those thoughts running through her mind, one train after another. It would not be fair to Bellamy if she would still marry him, if he still wants to marry her, that is. Perhaps her heart was never truly his to begin with. Chasing after Lexa on the other hand doesn’t sound like a good idea. Who says Lexa would feel the same? What if Lexa is not into her at all? Maybe she shouldn’t say anything to Lexa. If she does, Lexa may feel bad and may feel like it would be her fault or something, even though it isn’t. It isn’t Lexa’s fault that she has feelings for her. It is not like Lexa said ‘ _hey fall in love with me._ ’ Love… that is what it is. A love so rare she might not be able to capture it. 

Clarke Griffin is in love with Lexa Woods. She sure knows how to keep messing everything up. It's not right to fall for someone who can't be obtained. Would Lexa have kissed her back if she had kissed her? She might never know. 

Clarke’s thoughts are interrupted by a knock on her door. This is it, any second now Bellamy will burst through the door and say god knows what. She deserves it, she deserves anything he might sneer at her because she has been awful. It wasn't right to keep the truth from him, to hide all the thoughts she had, but she had no idea how she was supposed to tell him. How do you go from happily engaged one moment to falling in love with someone the next? It feels like when she met Lexa, every piece of a complex yet simple puzzle fell together, telling her this is it, she is... oh god, that's it, isn't it? Lexa is the one for her. She can't marry Bellamy, it's not right. It's scary to feel so much so fast all at once, but with certain things, when you know, you know. 

“It-it’s open.”

To Clarke’s surprise, it is not Bellamy, but his sister Octavia who walks in. Now she wishes it would have been Bellamy. Octavia might be worse, because she might kick her ass and scold her for hurting her brother.

Octavia sits down next to Clarke. Without saying a word, she wraps her arms around Clarke, allowing the blonde to cry onto her shoulder. She rubs small circles onto Clarke's back, comforting her. 

“W-why are…y-you so kind to me, O?”

Octavia sighs deeply. “Look Clarke, I’m not a fan of the way things went.” She places her chin on top of Clarke’s head. “I don’t like to see my brother getting hurt, but I don’t like to see you get hurt either.” She says earnestly as she weaves her fingers through Clarke’s hair. “You can’t help how you feel. You can’t help liking someone else. The circumstances are rather unfortunate, but it is what it is.” Her voice is calm and understanding. “You should talk this through with Bellamy. Maybe you two aren’t meant to get married.”

Clarke is speechless. Here she is, crying while Octavia holds her and talks to her with so much kindness and understanding. Octavia had been right all those times when she told Bellamy that she is not a child anymore. Not finding any words, she simply nods.

Octavia gets up and leaves the room, having said enough. Now it's up to Clarke. 

Clarke puts a hand on her chest, whispering ‘ _I’m not afraid_ ’ to herself while she tries to even her breaths. When her hands stop shaking, she gets up to go find Bellamy who appears to be sitting on the couch with Raven. This confrontation won't be easy, but it is necessary. She has to bite through this, no matter how hard. 

Raven looks up at Clarke. She had been talking a bit with Bellamy, hearing him out, while Octavia was checking up on Clarke.

Octavia grasps Raven’s wrist and exits the room with her, so Clarke can have some privacy with Bellamy to talk. 

“Bell, I’m so, so sorry.” Clarke gently places one of her hands on his shoulder. “I never meant to hurt you, I swear.” It’s the truth, because she doesn’t wish to cause him pain, yet she did.

Bellamy looks into Clarke’s eyes. “You like her.” He leaves no doubt who he’s referring to and it’s not a question. Everything about Clarke is screaming it and there's no way not to notice, not since the fireworks at the park. 

Clarke dips her head. “Yes.” She does like Lexa and it’s scary, but she can’t help it. It's an all-consuming feeling, and she lets it. 

“That day when we tasted chocolate desserts?”

Clarke nods, feeling guilty. That's the moment where it all began, the beginning of their ending. 

“Did you…?" Bellamy asks, barely choking his question out. "With her…?”

Clarke shakes her head. “No, Bell, I didn’t.” She hears Bellamy sigh audibly. It almost sounds like he’s relieved because she didn’t. Everything she has done is bad enough already, she wouldn’t add cheating to that list. "We were having chocolate mousse in the back of her shop."

“Do you even want to marry me…?” Bellamy takes Clarke’s hands in his. “It all went fast, didn’t it?”

Clarke takes a deep breath. “Honestly Bell, I’m not sure…” She whispers as tears sting her eyes. “I wish I could say yes… really, I wish I could but I… I can’t.” She can’t say yes to Bellamy because her heart is saying no.

Bellamy lifts Clarke’s chin up. “You love her.” He says matter-of-factly as he sees the internal conflict she is battling. 

The truth hits Clarke like a tidal wave, even though she already knew. “Yes.” She lets her tears escape. This time she is not crying for her pain, she’s crying for Bellamy’s pain, which she caused.

Bellamy takes his engagement ring off, places it in the palm of Clarke’s right hand and closes her fingers around it. He stands up and walks the few steps it takes to get to the door. With the door halfway open, he turns around to face Clarke one last time.

“All I want is for you to be happy and I understand you won’t be happy with me, not in the way you deserve to be. I know deep in my heart that you are a good person, Clarke. I know you might have chosen to stay with me, even if it means not being able to be happy. Having to choose would have torn you into pieces. I don’t want to burden you with having to choose. I’m setting you free.” His voice is wavering. “I will take some time to be alone. Octavia will let me know when you aren’t home so I can decently pack my things and move out.” He won’t wait for Clarke to choose, because he can feel who her heart belongs to, and it isn’t him. It will never be his. 

Clarke runs up to Bellamy and hugs him. “Thank you.” She whispers, feeling a burden drop from her shoulders.

 

 

* * *

 

 

It’s barely morning when Anya grumbles something to Lexa about their doorbell ringing.

“Seriously Lex, I know you like that blonde but I need my sleep.” Anya grabs on of her pillows and smacks it in Lexa’s face. “I know you like her, but does she really have to come over this early?”

“I was not told she would come over, Anya.” Lexa tosses the pillow onto the bed. “Perhaps she wants to discuss her desserts for her wedding.” She didn't think Clarke would stop by, although she doesn't mind. The blond's company is always a pleasure. 

“The sun is barely cracking through the window, Lex." Anya groans, still tired. "There are better times to discuss that, like oh here’s a thought… in the afternoon?”

The doorbell rings again.

“Your girl is being impatient, Lex.”

“She is not my girl, Anya.”

“Ugh fine, just open the door and tell her not to stop by this early, Lex. Tell her to make an appointment or something."

Lexa snags her robe from the hook on the door and opens the front door.

“He-” Lexa stops right after opening her mouth. Okay, that’s not Clarke standing in front of her door. Now she feels really ridiculous for standing there in her pajama, her robe and her fluffy bunny slippers. The latter being a gift from Anya.

“Hi, Lexa.”

Lexa clears her throat to regain her posture. “Hello, Octavia.” She nods at the girl. “Hello, Raven.” She nods at the other girl, remembering them from the first day she met Clarke and from at the park. 

“I’m sorry for ringing your doorbell so early.” Octavia apologizes. “I thought you’d be up.” She whips her hair over her shoulders.

“Is there something I can help with?” Lexa asks as she looks at the girls. “Did Clarke send you?” She is confused, because it can’t be later than 6am and she has no idea why they’re here.

“The desserts won’t be necessary." Octavia says evenly. "We are here to cancel the order.” It would be too much for her brother to walk up to Lexa's door to cancel the order, so she's taking it upon herself with Raven. Not that she blames Bellamy for not being able to face Lexa after everything that went down with Clarke. 

Now Lexa is definitely confused. They’re cancelling the order? Did Clarke decide to pick another dessert from somewhere else? Is it because of the mistake in the bridal shop which may have made Clarke feel uncomfortable? That could be the reason. She'll understand if Clarke doesn't wish to have contact with her anymore. 

Anya leans onto Lexa’s shoulder, having just gotten up as well. “Is there something wrong with the desserts?” She asks, wondering why they’re cancelling all of the sudden. Her eyes linger briefly on Raven. It's lovely to see the girl again, but then again, it's not. Raven is here with her girlfriend. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree in the Woods family, to be interested in women who are already seeing someone. 

Octavia shakes her head, since nothing is wrong with the desserts. The desserts aren't the issue. 

Raven speaks up. “The wedding is cancelled.” She felt like she might as well say it, because it is what it is. 

Lexa wonders if Raven is joking, but the look on her face is serious.

Anya mumbles. “Well, shit.”

Lexa clears her throat. “I am sorry to hear that.” She thinks for a moment, wondering what happened. “Is Clarke okay?”

Raven opens her mouth. “Yeah she’s in love with-”

Octavia elbows Raven and glares at her.

“Ouch, O!”

Octavia wraps her arms around her girlfriend and walks away. It’s not their place to tell Lexa how Clarke feels. Those two need to figure everything out for themselves.

Lexa’s eyes are wide and it takes Anya a while to get her sister’s attention back to earth.

Lexa hurries to get dressed, needing fresh air. “I’m going to grab some coffee, Anya. I will be back later.” With that, she leaves.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Lexa is mindlessly sipping some coffee when someone takes the seat in front of her. She’s about to complain and say something, until her eyes take notice of the blonde in front of her. It has been weeks since she last saw Clarke and she didn't think she would ever see the blonde again, to be fair. 

“Clarke.” The K clicks on her tongue.

“Hi, Lexa.” Clarke nervously bites her lip. “I’m glad I found you here.” She had been looking for Lexa, wanting to talk to her. After weeks breaking her head over it, she couldn't let it go, can't let the brunette go. Not without letting Lexa know how she feels, even if it wouldn't turn out to be mutual. 

“Oh?” Lexa tilts her head to the side in confusion. She wonders if Clarke had been looking for her. That would be weird because the blonde knows where she lives. Then again, she's sitting at a coffee shop. 

“Yeah um… I stopped by at your place and Anya told me you had just left to grab some coffee, so I took a guess and came to this place.”

Lexa stares at her coffee. She can’t bring herself to look at Clarke, because it's too painful. After long talks with Anya, she concluded she may have had a hand in ruining the blonde's wedding, because of the way she acted, like when she was leaning in weeks ago during the fireworks at the park. 

“I um… I want to tell you something.”

Lexa looks up at Clarke and nods, signaling that she’s listening. The least she can do is hear the blonde out. Perhaps this is the last time she'll see Clarke, a final piece of closure. During the weeks she didn't see the blonde, she hasn't sought Clarke out, not once. It didn't feel right to do that after receiving the news of the cancelled wedding. 

“The thing is Lexa… since the day I met you…” Clarke feels her breath hitch in her throat. “I feel something for you…” She can’t contain herself anymore. “Okay so Lexa, the thing is I really like you, like really, really like you and I know maybe I shouldn’t, but I do and marrying Bellamy wouldn’t have worked anyway and he saw us that night and god Lexa, he knew I almost kissed you and that I wanted to… eh, yes I wanted to kiss you. The wedding is off and we broke up and I know this is all so soon and weird and dammit I don’t even know how you feel or if you even like me at all, but I think I’m in love with you and I just...I really want to date you." 

Lexa’s jaw drops when Clarke stops rambling. This is not what she expected when she decided to get some fresh air and grab some coffee. She gets up and walks out, needing fresh air all over again. The blonde is in love with her? It's shocking, Clarke was engaged weeks ago and now this is happening. It makes her feel guilty. 

Clarke follows Lexa out and grasps the brunette’s wrist, willing Lexa to stop and turn around to face her. She can't watch the brunette leave like that, not without an answer or just, something, even if it's rejection. 

Lexa’s eyes drown into Clarke’s eyes. She can see that the blonde is invading her personal space, inch by inch, but she can’t move, as she feels herself drawn to Clarke like a magnet.

Clarke gathers all the confidence she can possibly find and leans closer towards Lexa. She wants this, she has wanted this since the day she met the brunette. Back then she couldn’t, but now she’s single. She still doesn’t know how Lexa feels, but she may not get a chance like this again. Panic gets the upper hand and she doesn’t dare to lean in closer.

Lexa on the other hand, does lean in closer. Clarke’s lips are soft and slightly chapped. She presses her lips lightly against the blonde’s lips, kissing her with desire, want and need.

Clarke kisses Lexa back and all she can think is how this moment, this girl in front of her and this kiss is better than chocolate, so, so much better than chocolate. Perhaps the circumstances are wrong, but this kiss feels oh so right. She feels how Lexa gently places one of her hands behind her neck, deepening their kiss, while her other hand presses against the small of her back.

Clarke is the first to break away from their kiss. Lexa wants to kiss her again, but the look of panic on the blonde’s face worries her and stops her from doing so. “I am sorry, Clarke. You still need to process a few things.” Her face falls, realizing how rushed this seems. “I should go.”

Clarke wants to say something, anything, but before she can even open her mouth, Lexa is running away from her. 

Lexa runs as fast as she can. Every step further away from Clarke aches, with the ache growing while the distant grows. She wants to give the blonde time, because she has to give Clarke time. Running may not have been the best choice, but she has to give the blonde space and fast. She arrives at her door and groans when she realizes she doesn’t have her key on her. Frustrated, she rings the doorbell and waits for Anya to open the door, hoping the door will open fast. It's not that she doesn't want to be with Clarke. Of course she does, more than anything, but she doesn't want the blonde to wake up tomorrow or in a few days, regretting all of this. 

Anya opens the door and Lexa is about to walk inside when a voice is yelling her name. Not any voice, Clarke’s.

“Lexa, wait, please!” Clarke shouts, feeling like she can’t breathe anymore. She has been running after Lexa and while doing so, she has noticed that the brunette is fast, like ridiculously fast.

Lexa turns around and sees that Clarke is only a few steps away. She swallows thickly and steps inside her house, ready to shut the door, because of the circumstances. "You should think about this, Clarke."

"I already have thought about it, over and over again."

Lexa bites her bottom lip, lingering in the entrance of her door. "Are you really sure this is what you want, Clarke?" She asks and freezes as she hears Clarke’s next words.

Clarke stops running and takes a deep breath. With all the energy she can find in her body, she shouts.

“LEXA, I AM NOT AFRAID!!!!!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end. :)

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are appreciated. :)


End file.
